6. Avoid the Path of Destruction
7. Unsuccessful vs. Successful Single
Part 2 - Influences
Let’s take a look at some of the influences that can cause us to have
negative views on being single.
• The Media
The media tries to convince us that being part of a couple is ideal.
Turn on the television, and all you see is show after show pile on the
notion that everyone has to be in a love relationship. A majority of situation comedies,
drama shows, and soaps will show characters that are either
married or are in
steady relationships, those that hop from one relationship to another, or
those that struggle with dating or looking for a spouse. These types of shows can influence how one feels
about the need for a relationship. Music can be another media influence. You
may be listening to the radio and hear a love song with sappy
“oh-I’m-so-happy-to-have-you-let’s-stay-together-forever” lyrics.
There is one song where the singer is saying "I can't go on if I'm on my own."
Now think about it - it's pretty extreme to say that you will cease to live
if you find yourself alone. I've never heard of anyone dying of
singleness. The Internet is another example. If you Google the
word "single", the common theme among a significant portion of the results
is dating.
Although it's easy to become influenced by the media, remember that you’re only seeing
one side of the coin here. You may need to limit your exposure to certain types of media
in order to keep from feeling bad about being single.
• Your Acquaintances
The acquaintances that you have – your friends, family, co-workers, etc. –
can also influence your feelings on singleness. It’s not easy when most of
the people you know are married or in relationships and you feel like the
odd man (or woman) out. This can give you the feeling that something is
missing from your life, or that you are “running behind” everyone else. A
short-term solution to this is to try to avoid situations where there is a predominance of couples. This might mean turning down an
invitation to a party if you know most people will be there with a spouse
or date. If you’re brave enough as a single to go to an event with
mostly couples in attendance, then, by all means, go for it. (Chances
are you won't be the only one flying solo.) If not, then
it’s best to spare yourself the heartache. I know that may sound contrary to
what others may tell you, but it really is best not to put your emotional
well-being on the line. Of course, this is only a temporary solution.
The end goal is not to isolate yourself. You should work on gaining more self
confidence so that you'll be more comfortable around couples.
Note that I wasn't suggesting that you should abandon
your friends. Take the initiative to arrange gatherings with friends and
acquaintances of your gender. For guys, you might have a poker night. For
ladies, you might rent what is considered a “chick flick” and invite other
ladies over for a movie night. This way, the element of couples is removed
and you can focus on having fun and not let depressing feelings ruin what
should be a good time. You should also strive to make friends that are also
single so that you have someone that can relate to you and vice versa. You
are entitled to enjoy the company of friends. As you progress towards
becoming a successful
single, you will have enough confidence in yourself that you won’t have a
problem being around couples.
• Your Environment
Suppose you go into a public place, such as a store, and you see couples
walking side by side all around you. How does that make you feel?
The environment around you can be another influence on the way you feel
about singleness. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about
this one, short of becoming a hermit. Unlike being able to turn off
the television, you can’t escape your environment. This is one area where you
have to learn to play through the pain.
Remember that you're not out to be like everyone else; you are your own
person. As I stated in the last point, as you progress towards
becoming a successful
single, you will have enough confidence in yourself that you won’t have a
problem being around couples and you may not even notice them after
a while.
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