Living The Single Life: Becoming A Successful Single

Part 4 - Advantages to Being Single

There can be many advantages to being single if you just stop and think about it. It’s easy to say that there are no advantages to being single if all we see are the negatives. So let’s look at some of the positive aspects of being single.

• More freedom and independence

Being single means you have more freedom. You answer to no one. If you’re single, you don’t have to let anyone know when you decide to go somewhere. It allows for more spontaneity in your life. If you want to take a weekend road trip, you can make that decision on the spur of the moment. Being single allows you to be your own person and really just do as you please. If you want to sit on the couch in an old T-shirt and shorts while munching on Doritos, no one will give you any flack for doing so. Being single allows you to make your own choices. (Guys, you wouldn’t have to worry about missing Monday Night Football to watch the Lifetime Movie of the Week.) Especially for men, being single forces you to do things for yourself, like cooking and cleaning. Being skilled at different things makes you a more complete, independent, well-rounded person, which is a great quality to have, and one that will be noticed if you decide to seek a relationship later on.

• More control over your time

We live in a busy society. You probably hear people complaining that they never have enough time, all while scribbling their plans for the next three months into their Palm Pilot. These people probably aren’t single. When you’re single, you may have more time for yourself and things that you like to do. You can set your own schedule. Being single may give you more time for hobbies, relaxation, being with friends and family, and so on. Being single gives you more time to better yourself. You can use the extra time to work on your career, volunteer in your community, or take classes for job advancement or just for personal enrichment. Relationships and marriages especially require a significant amount of time, as anyone who is married or in a relationship will tell you. So, doesn’t it stand to reason to take advantage of any extra time while you still have it?

• More control over your money

In addition to time, relationships also require money, and a lot of it. Being single gives you full financial freedom. You will be in control of where every dollar you spend goes. Guys, think of the money you’ll save by not having to pay for overpriced dinners and movies, and buying all kinds of presents for birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and the 11-week anniversary of the third date. Being single allows you to spend money that you have on yourself with no guilt. Men, that means you can get that 42-inch high definition flat screen TV that you saw at Best Buy without getting an earful later. Ladies, you can treat yourself to that piece of jewelry or new outfit without having to use the Jaws of Life to get the Visa card out of a husband’s wallet. (Note that being single is not an excuse to be irresponsible with your money. Single or not, you still need to make responsible financial decisions.) Being single may also make it easier to plan for saving money for the future and for unforeseen circumstances.

• Not having to tolerate another’s annoying habits

Let’s face it – all of us have quirks about ourselves that someone else finds annoying. Being single frees you from this issue. A single person doesn’t have to listen to someone snore all night while hogging the blankets. Guys, you wouldn’t have to worry about finding a fuzzy toilet seat cover or pink shower curtain in your bathroom. Ladies, you wouldn’t have to constantly nag someone to take care of the dishes piling up in the sink or take out the trash. Being single allows you to give your patience a rest and live in a non-frustrating environment. The only disgusting habits you’ll have to put up with are your own.

• No emotional roller coaster rides

Being single allows you to stabilize your emotions. When a person is in a relationship, especially when it is just starting, your emotions can go completely out of whack. Your mind can go a mile a minute constantly thinking things like, “Does s/he still like me?”, “Did I say the right thing?”, “What should I do now?”, “When should I call next?” The list goes on and on. It’s enough to make a person go bonkers with all these thoughts running rampant. In addition, being single means that you won’t have to worry about going through a heart-wrenching breakup. Once you’ve become a successful single, you will appreciate being able to be emotionally relaxed.

• Ability to become aware of who you are

Being single can give you a deeper awareness of who you really are - not someone as defined by a relationship. During the initial stages of a relationship, you try to make yourself look as good as possible to impress the other person, and often find yourself saying and doing things you normally wouldn’t do. Being single allows you to be yourself and develop who you really are.

These are just some of the advantages to being single. As you progress into becoming a successful single, you will find more and more advantages. Once you move past the “grass is greener on the other side” way of thinking, you will then be ready to make the most of being single.

John Wooden said, “Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.”

In your life, what advantages can you find in being single? (Try to list at least five.)

Singleness brings a degree of freedom. What things can you do now as a single that you may no longer be able to do (or do as often) if you were in a relationship?

Relationships bring extra work. What things would you have to do in a relationship that you don't have to do now as a single?

You're halfway finished! Before moving on to the next section, I have one more writing exercise. Someone once emailed me asking for the disadvantages of being single. I replied that the purpose of this site is not to dwell on the negatives of singleness. But then I got to thinking that it might be good to think of some disadvantages to being single, so we can target the areas we need to change our thinking on.

Divide a sheet of paper into two columns. In the left column, list your disadvantages to being single. In the right column, counter each disadvantage with related advantages. If you cannot think of a related advantage, list how you can constructively minimize the impact of the disadvantage. For an example, click here.